It’s Sunday again, and I am in need of something technical to write down. I should really start doing this earlier in the week. What happens if my internet connection goes out on Sunday? I’m locked into paying fifteen grand I don’t have, nor ever will have. Too much hinges on these things, and I have too little to say.

The week went by and I barely studied. I got pretty sick. Probably not covid, but it feels like I should get tested. But it also feels like going out and getting tested risks spreading it, so I’m staying indoors for a few weeks. I have the luxury of doing so. My girlfriend is gracefully handling the rent while I go on the job search. She says she doesn’t mind. I want to find employment as quick as I can, though, and all I see in the world of software development are “entry level” jobs that require five years of experience in languages and frameworks I haven’t so much as dipped a toe into yet.

In Javascript, if you forget to place a semicolon, the program still works. In C#, the program throws an error.

Is that technical enough, I wonder? Probably not, but my knowledge of everything is shallow. This isn’t ‘impostor syndrome.’ Impostor syndrome is for professionals with accomplishments who still feel unqualified. I’m just unqualified at this point. I have more learning to do to get qualified, and even if I achieve competence, I will remain at a disadvantage. Sunday is the day that I go through the requirements for debt forgiveness. I know I have no future outside of menial labor and low wages. In my income bracket, it’s statistically likely I will die before I reach retirement age. It’s not defeatist or catastrophising to extrapolate that, outside of unlikely strokes of pure luck, there isn’t much hope. But most days I can push that aside. Sunday is the day I have to confront it head on, as I trek through linkedin and search for jobs to apply to and contacts that I can send messages to, as I am required to.

There are no parameters listed in the contract. That itself is something I find difficult to work around. The curriculum suggests that we use pictures to make these things engaging, but doesn’t say they are required.